German Gestapo Strikes Again: 45 Men Targeted for Online “Feelings Hurt” Offenses

In a spectacular display of digital vigilantism, the German thought police have embarked on a mission to cleanse the internet of its most sinister menace: hurt feelings. With the precision of a surgeon wielding a sledgehammer, law enforcement authorities raided the homes of 45 unsuspecting men, accused of committing the heinous crime of using “misogynist” language online.

The Blitzkrieg on Cyber Misogyny

Under the banner of “combating misogyny on the internet,” this blitzkrieg unfolded on the eve of International Women’s Day, perhaps hoping to cloak its absurdity under the guise of female empowerment. The operation was executed with military precision by Germany’s Central Office for Combating Cybercrime in Frankfurt, accompanied by the Federal Criminal Police Office and a gaggle of state law enforcement agencies, as dutifully reported by the Associated Press.

Holger Muench: The Censor-in-Chief

Holger Muench, the grand poobah of Germany’s Federal Criminal Police Office, solemnly intoned, “We bear witness to the nefarious proliferation of hate, harassment, and discrimination on digital platforms, with women bearing the brunt of the virtual vitriol.” Cue the dramatic music.

In the Land of Censorship

In the land where sausages are plentiful and bureaucracy reigns supreme, Germany takes its online speech policing with all the seriousness of a heart attack. Using slurs against women, immigrants, or the ever-expanding list of ‘protected’ groups can now land you in the clink under the auspices of ‘incitement to hatred’. Ah, the sweet aroma of authoritarianism.

Trudeau’s Canadian Carnival of Censorship

But fear not, for Germany is not alone in its quest for digital purity. Across the vast expanse of maple syrup and moose, our beloved friend JUstin Trudeau is concocting his own special brew of censorship up in Canada. In his relentless pursuit of ideological conformity, Trudeau seeks powers that would make George Orwell raise an eyebrow.

Trudeau’s Big Brother Dream

Under the guise of the ‘Online Harms Bill’, Trudeau aims to incarcerate anyone who dares to deviate from his preferred narrative. Critics decry it as dystopian; Trudeau probably considers it ‘progressive’.

Arif Virani: Minister of Truth

Enter Arif Virani, Canada’s Justice Minister and staunch defender of ideological purity. He proudly champions the bill’s ability to silence dissent, boasting that throwing people in the clink before they’ve even committed a crime is a stroke of genius in preventing criticism of the ‘sacred’ minorities.

C-63: Trudeau’s Ticket to Totalitarianism

Enter Bill C-63, Trudeau’s pièce de résistance in his grand symphony of censorship. From house arrest to life sentences, Trudeau’s menu of misery has it all. After all, what’s a little authoritarianism among friends?

In conclusion, as governments worldwide embrace their inner Big Brother, let us all raise a glass to the demise of free speech and the ascendance of the almighty thought police. Here’s to a brave new world, comrades. Cheers!

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